Blog 5

I hated What Women Want for how heavily it used the gender stereotype that a woman—no matter how powerful, how strong, how competent she is—always needs a man in her life in order to be happy. I especially hated the Darcy character, even though I desperately wanted to like her.

Even though she started out as a wildly successful and authoritative woman, her character revolved around the men in her life, her first husband and then Nick, and she eventually dissolves into a puddle of needy mush when Nick shows her a little attention. Is that really what the producers wanted women to take from that movie? That “what women want” is male attention? That that’s all we think about?

I have so much problem with this message because I’ve struggled with that stereotype since middle school, when I realized that I would never get a date as long as I was the independent “smart girl.” I angsted for years because the people around me made me feel like I wasn’t a “real woman” if I didn’t have a man in my life. To show this, I picked Missy Higgins’ “Where I stood.”
My favorite line is
I don’t know who I am,
Who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.
For years, I felt like this androgynous half-woman because I more far more interested in school than boys. I think a lot of girls feel this way and it’s not fair.

Now that I’m in college, I’ve lost most of the feeling that I have to be one way or another, mostly because most of my friends (both female and male) went through a similar experience. We were the “geeky kids”—girls who weren’t “feminine” enough and guys who hated sports and “man things” with a passion. So I picked the songs “Grace Kelly” by Mika and “Scar” by Missy Higgins (again).

“Grace Kelly” is a ridiculous song about a man offering to change everything about himself in order to please the woman he’s in love with. The song is so over the top it shows how pointless it is to change yourself to fit into another person’s expectations.
Why don’t you like me?
Why don’t you like me without making me try?

“Scar” is more aggressive and is Missy Higgins telling off people who tried to force her to act/look/whatever a certain way. I agree with this song completely. Like many people, I’ve had these experiences with people trying to fit me into a certain gender role.
A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit
And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar that everyone wants a little more.
So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

So now gender to me is really whatever I feel like being at the moment. I can squeal at Disney movies one day and build a bookshelf the next and not feel like I’ve failed as a woman. And my guy friends can alternate between watching football and baking cakes without me thinking less of them. To this end, my current gender song is “Androgyny” by Garbage, where I think the best lines are
Boys.. Behind closed doors and under stars
Girls.. It doesn't matter where you are
Boys.. Collecting jewels that catch your eye
Girls.. Don't let a soulmate pass you by
because they’re basically everyone’s okay, no matter where they fall on the masculine/feminine scale. Your gender characteristics don’t make you a better or worse person.

To come back to that horrible movie, the only thing this woman wants is a better, less stereotypical movie.