Blog 5

I hated What Women Want for how heavily it used the gender stereotype that a woman—no matter how powerful, how strong, how competent she is—always needs a man in her life in order to be happy. I especially hated the Darcy character, even though I desperately wanted to like her.

Even though she started out as a wildly successful and authoritative woman, her character revolved around the men in her life, her first husband and then Nick, and she eventually dissolves into a puddle of needy mush when Nick shows her a little attention. Is that really what the producers wanted women to take from that movie? That “what women want” is male attention? That that’s all we think about?

I have so much problem with this message because I’ve struggled with that stereotype since middle school, when I realized that I would never get a date as long as I was the independent “smart girl.” I angsted for years because the people around me made me feel like I wasn’t a “real woman” if I didn’t have a man in my life. To show this, I picked Missy Higgins’ “Where I stood.”
My favorite line is
I don’t know who I am,
Who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.
For years, I felt like this androgynous half-woman because I more far more interested in school than boys. I think a lot of girls feel this way and it’s not fair.

Now that I’m in college, I’ve lost most of the feeling that I have to be one way or another, mostly because most of my friends (both female and male) went through a similar experience. We were the “geeky kids”—girls who weren’t “feminine” enough and guys who hated sports and “man things” with a passion. So I picked the songs “Grace Kelly” by Mika and “Scar” by Missy Higgins (again).

“Grace Kelly” is a ridiculous song about a man offering to change everything about himself in order to please the woman he’s in love with. The song is so over the top it shows how pointless it is to change yourself to fit into another person’s expectations.
Why don’t you like me?
Why don’t you like me without making me try?

“Scar” is more aggressive and is Missy Higgins telling off people who tried to force her to act/look/whatever a certain way. I agree with this song completely. Like many people, I’ve had these experiences with people trying to fit me into a certain gender role.
A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I'd fit
And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar that everyone wants a little more.
So that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

So now gender to me is really whatever I feel like being at the moment. I can squeal at Disney movies one day and build a bookshelf the next and not feel like I’ve failed as a woman. And my guy friends can alternate between watching football and baking cakes without me thinking less of them. To this end, my current gender song is “Androgyny” by Garbage, where I think the best lines are
Boys.. Behind closed doors and under stars
Girls.. It doesn't matter where you are
Boys.. Collecting jewels that catch your eye
Girls.. Don't let a soulmate pass you by
because they’re basically everyone’s okay, no matter where they fall on the masculine/feminine scale. Your gender characteristics don’t make you a better or worse person.

To come back to that horrible movie, the only thing this woman wants is a better, less stereotypical movie.

Short Paper 1

And the Girls Will Color

When I was in the third grade I learned that boys and girls weren’t treated the same way. I was eight years old, caught somewhere in between wanting to be Bill Nye the Science Guy and a teacher just like my mother, and before one pretty depressing day at school, I honestly had no idea that sexism, misogyny, or chauvinism even existed.

I guess you could say I have feminist parents, although they would never admit it. Nevertheless, I was raised to believe I could do anything I wanted. My gender was never an issue, especially with my father, who lovingly nicknamed me “space cadet.” He still uses it on occasion to this day.

But when I was in the third grade, all that innocence came to a crashing halt, although I didn’t know it immediately. I had recently been enrolled in a class for gifted students that met once a week with a teacher named Ms. Murray. I loved her on sight; She was interesting, she was funny, and she gave me something to look forward to outside the monotony of my regular classes, which probably appreciated my absence (gifted children are very annoying at the best of times). She also was a sexist.

That’s hard for me to admit, that a woman I admired so much blatantly discriminated against women, but she did. Only in the last few years have I been able to realize how serious it was and how very much it bothered me. One day, a few weeks into the program, Ms. Murray gathered all of us together and told us what we would be doing for the rest of the year. Along with various activities, field trips, and puzzles, she told about her plan for our end of the year project. She said, “My boys are going to build bridges and the girls are going to color.”

I frowned. I knew at once that something was wrong with this statement, but I didn’t know what. I loved to color (what little kid doesn’t?), but I also deeply loved jigsaw puzzles and building bridges seemed right up my alley. Why couldn’t I do both?

I left school bothered that day and, since my father picked me up that day, he asked me what wrong as soon as I got in the car. I told him the story and his reaction was instantaneous—he stiffened, face darkening, and turned to me slowly, “She said what?”

“That the boys were going to build bridges and the girls were going to color.”

He took a deep breath, “I need to talk to your mother. We’re going to have to talk to someone about this.”

“Dad? Why?”

“Because that’s sexist.”

And I asked. Of course I did. I always have to know; it’s part of my personality, “What’s sexist?”

He wouldn’t tell me without my mother there and I spent the rest of the car ride thinking that my teacher had done something truly awful. I know now that it’s true. She did. When we got home my parents sat me down on the couch and told me very plainly, “Sweetie, do you know what racism is? Being mean to someone because of the color of their skin?”

I frowned, “Yes.”

“And you know it’s wrong?”

“Yes.”

“Sexism is like racism, only it’s being mean to someone because of whether they are a man or a woman.”

And that’s all they said. I went about my day and my parents had that conference with Ms. Murray. I still don’t know what they said, but I built my bridge that year. It was a good one.

That experience, my first to realize that I was expected to other people’s ideas of gender and femininity, really changed my life. Because of my parents’ reaction, I learned that although I’m going to have to face such stereotypes my entire life, I don’t have to tolerate them. They’re ridiculous, they’re wrong, they can be changed. This belief has served me well so far—it’s the reason I’m in college, it’s the reason I’m in this class, it’s the reason I’m a feminist. If I want something, I have to fight for it, plain and simple, and not accept it when anyone tells me I can’t because I’m a woman.

Blog 4

After looking through the women's studies course offerings, I'm especially interested in three classes--women in Ancient Greece, contemporary feminist thought, and American women's writing.

I really want to take women in Ancient Greece because I'm a Latin minor and I love hearing stories from Greece/Rome. But most historians (especially ancient historians) almost completely leave out women in their documents. To have a class that specifically focuses on what little evidence there is of women's achievements sounds right up my alley.

I also am a writing major with a deep desire to create strong female characters (because there aren't very many). To that end, I want to take contemporary feminist thought and American women's writing. I want to know the current ideas of feminists so that I can sneak them into my writing. Or blatantly put them into my writing, if I can get away with it.

I know this sounds like a weird, undefined goal, but I want to become an activist. And a writer. But mostly an activist. I feel so passionately about my beliefs that I want to channel them into something productive. That, and my friends have told me that I need to stop ranting at them. If I could somehow channel my writing into gender equality, that would be the best of both worlds.

Blog 3

What surprised me the most about the movie was how very long it actually took women to get the vote. I knew in theory that women got the vote in 1920, but watching the women in the film suffer day in and day out for something they believed in was heartbreaking. I literally cried when they were dragged to prison.

However, I was disappointed to see how much racial tensions played a part in the movie. Just the thought that suffragists would exclude any women from participating, much less women of color, was ridiculous. I understood Alice Paul perspective--that she couldn't get support from some of the women's groups--but the whole idea of being prejudiced while trying to get rid of prejudice really struck me as stupid and pointless.

But, all in all, the film made me prouder to be a woman and more appreciative of the rights I have. After watching it, I want to become more politically active.

As for the readings, I'm not sure that I agree with the author of FIFE that the feminist movement has lagged because of women's studies being taught in universities, although I agree that it makes the message of feminism seem more geared toward people with higher education. I think the more people who know about feminism, the better and a university is an excellent place to filter large numbers of men and women through a w s class. I'm not sure why we don't have a strong feminist movement today, but it's not colleges' fault.

Extra Credit

Last Wednesday I attended a lecture the Sexperts gave in the Union. It was...kind of awesome. Normally, I'm very uncomfortable talking about things like that--STDs, types of birth control, safe sex, etc--but they made it really relaxing and fun.

Favorite part? I now know there is such a thing as a banana-flavored condom. (I still don't know WHY, but they do exist.)

But, in all seriousness, it was nice to have someone talk about sex education without resorting to "sex is bad, abstinence is good" nonsense that my school gave me. It reminded me of what the readings said, that the majority of high schools only talk about abstinence. Apparently mine, a teeny high school in north Texas, was one of those.

Other than the condoms, they told us where the Women's Outreach Center was (across from Meachum in the Union) and that Goddard now offers the Guardasil shots. I'm very happy I went, even if they had a vagina named Audrey, which was awkward. Adorable, but awkward.

Blog 2

The F Word mentioned how women in the past were often pressured to marry and have children instead of pursuing careers, so to further investigate this in my own life, I interviewed my grandmother about her experiences living as a woman in America. My grandmother, Sue Siebman, is fundamentalist Church of Christ and is a woman who would never identify herself as a feminist, even though she's been very successful throughout her life. (Actually, she's a little horrified that I'm taking this class, although she's one of the staunchest supporters of my college education.)

Here's what she had to say during her interview:
1. What was it like growing up and living as a woman in America?

I married and had kids in my early twenties. Unlike most of my peers, I began working when my kids were quite. I began working in college bookstore management, which was considered a man's field.

My grandmother has always been a hard-worker, and so, after a number of years, she was able to earn the position of managing several campus stores in Dallas, Texas.

She also doesn't believe that being a woman has ever held her back in life. When I asked why, she told me, My gender didn't hold me back as much as not having a college degree. I believe I would have risen higher faster if I had had a degree. But I never felt that I was held back because I was a woman.

She's probably right about the degree. According to The F Word, people with a college degree earn substantially more than people who do not (p. 109). And yet, I believe that her gender was one of the deciding factors in her decision not to go to college, despite being an incredibly intelligent person. Like many women of her generation, she chose marriage and children over college, a decision she still somewhat regrets.

2. What exactly does feminism mean to you?

Feminism has changed since the early days. The women (and men) who fought to get women the vote and equal rights are to be applauded. That is the spirit of feminism at its best. I believe in equality of the sexes, but I also believe there are inherent differences in them. I love my daughter. And I love my son. I love my granddaughters and grandson. I want each and every one of them to live a full and prosperous life and achieve their hearts' desires.

But, of all the things she told me, the most interesting was when I asked her

3. Can you describe on experience in your life that made you conscious of gender?

I remember when my son was really little and I went to the women's room in Carlsbad Caverns. He was only two, so I took him with me. While I was in a stall he occupied his time looking under the stalls at all the other ladies. THAT was funny, but later on, when boys get older, a woman must decide what to do with her son when she has to go to the bathroom. Nowadays, there are "family rooms" but back them, we had to either leave them outside the door and hope for the best or just go home. It was a very difficult position to be in. It was a fairly common dilemma. Hopefully, it's fixed now with "family rooms."

Her answer really struck a cord with me because it highlights the difficulties gender barriers place on mothers. She struggled to care for her son in public because he was male and she was female. Although it’s not as serious an experience as many of the ones in our readings, she felt embarrassed and frustrated that she was not her son’s father.